Opened doors Closed doors
by Beatha
Summary: After Sirius's death Remus remembers. SBRL


Title: Opened doors Author: Zoe (annyablack) Rating: PG-13, I think Archive: SBRL. Azkaban's Lair if Nezad wants it. Dark side of the Moon. FanFiction net Anywhere else just tell me. Pairing: Remus/Sirius Spoilers: OotP Disclaimer: Not mine. JK Rowling owns everything Summary: After Sirius's death Remus remembers. A/N: I didn't mean to write angst, but I had just finished "At Swim, Two Boys" and the story just happened. I feel a little strange posting it. First story after OotP. I hope it's good enough. This fic is For Jim and Doyler and their love. (Yes, I'm aware they're fictional characters) Please excuse my mistakes and Enjoy!!  
  
"Sirius" it's a whisper. "Sirius" still a whisper.  
  
He sees his hand stretching. Grabbing the knob. Opening the door. The room is dark and cold, like a tomb. He closes his eyes and walks in. The emptiness spreads through his body like electricity.  
  
"Remus"  
  
His eyes open.  
  
"Remus" she calls again. "It's going to get better"  
  
This time he turns and looks at her. His smile is bitter and ironic but she doesn't seem to notice. She smiles back and squeezes his shoulder.  
  
Remus stays motionless for a while looking at her walking down the corridor.  
  
When he closes the door he expects total darkness. He seeks it but it doesn't come. The room seems somehow warmer and brighter.  
  
// A tall man with worried blue eyes is pacing up and down. He looks troubled and tired. The door opens once more and a shabby light haired man enters the room. The tall man stops pacing. He hangs his head and tangled black hair hide his face.  
  
"It'll never end," he says.  
  
"Sirius" the shorter man touches his chin and gently forces him to look up. Haunted blue eyes meet warm hazel.  
  
"All I ever wanted was to give Harry a home. A place he would want to go back to. Some happy memories for a change. For both of us."  
  
"And you will, one day."  
  
Sirius lets his bark like laugh. "Remus, you heard Dumbledore. Harry is safer at the Dursleys. He made sure of that."  
  
Sirius turns his face and sits on the edge of their bed, his hands on knees and his head hanged again. Remus kneels in front of him and holds his hands into his own.  
  
"It's different this time," he says softly stroking the lines on Sirius's palms "Voldemort will be defeated. And you'll be able to give Harry a real home"  
  
Sirius seems to be struggling with himself. He finally speaks. "What if he chooses Molly?"  
  
Remus's caress stops.  
  
"How can you say that? Harry loves you. He wants to live with you as much as you do." Sirius looks up for the first time. "The Weasleys are like a family to him"  
  
"Yes, but you are his family"  
  
Remus sits besides him on the bed and Sirius looks down again.  
  
"I want the three of as to be a family" he whispers standing up.  
  
"I just hate this place"  
  
Remus closes his eyes and breaths deeply. "I know you do"  
  
"I had swore I'd never come back. I thought I had left this heel behind me for good"  
  
"You're not alone Sirius. I'm here. We're together."  
  
"I wish we could be together somewhere else." Sirius says sighing  
  
Remus grabs his hand and makes him sit on his lap. The familiar warmth of Sirius's body fills his heart. He wraps his hand around his waist.  
  
"When you were in Azkaban, I used to say I'd give my anything to spend a few moments with you. For us to be like we used to. To hold you. Just a few minutes. Now, we're here. We're together. I'm happy."  
  
"I'm sorry you had to go through all this."  
  
Remus caresses Sirius's cheek his free hand. The touch makes both of them shiver. " I'm sorry you had to go through all this. I'm sorry you're sorry"  
  
His bark like laugh again.  
  
"Moony, when did we get this soppy?"  
  
Remus laughs too. The room seems even brighter.  
  
All of the sudden Remus finds himself pinned on the bed. Sirius on top. Their lips touch. Tenderly at first. Then deeper. Their tongues meet, caress each other. Small bits on the lips.  
  
Their hands move. The touch is familiar, yet new. New scars need to be explored. Heeled.  
  
Remus starts unbuttoning Sirius's shirt while Sirius lays soft kisses on his lips, chin, neck.  
  
The feeling is intoxicating.  
  
"MERLIN!!! What's going on here?"  
  
Remus stops abruptly licking Sirius's nipples and turns his head to face a stunned Molly. Sirius lays on his shoulder. "Oh no!" he hears him whispering in his ear.  
  
"Well?" Molly demands.  
  
"I forgot to lock the door" Remus states simply and Sirius's snort ruffles his hair.  
  
Molly, if possible, looks even more shocked.  
  
"The door?" she asks obviously trying to be as calm as possible.  
  
"Yes, I forgot to lock it. Sorry. It won't happen again.  
  
Sirius lifts his head too. "Sorry Molly. We'll be more careful from now on." He says grinning and sinks on Remus's shoulder again. "Moony, you're hair smell lovely"  
  
"This isn't a game" Remus tells her noticing the flaming glares she's sending to Sirius"  
  
"I love him. More than my life." Sirius's voice comes earnest under Remus's shoulder.  
  
"I love you too" says Remus kissing the top of his head and the pair of blue eyes that look at him seem to have regained some of the glimmer long lost in Azkaban.  
  
Molly doesn't look impressed nor convinced  
  
"You ought to be more careful. And we've got things to do. For the order"  
  
"Right." Sirius says sarcastically which gains him a murderous look from Molly before she hurries away.  
  
"Do you think we scarred her for life?"  
  
"She's not like that Sirius she just.  
  
.Doesn't like me" he says rolling over.  
  
"Give her some time. She spent 12 years believing.  
  
. I'm a mass murderer." He says frowning.  
  
This time Remus is on top of him. "Soon, they'll all see what I always have. A clever," soft kiss on his forehead "funny," a small bite on his ear "strong," lavish kiss on the lips "sexy wizard." His hand now stroking Sirius's erection.  
  
"Moony." it's a whimper  
  
"I better lock that door"  
  
"Moony don't you dare leave me" he exclaims pulling him down and slapping his buttocks  
  
"We ought to be careful" Remus mimics Molly's voice.  
  
"Lock that damn door and come to me"  
  
"That's the idea"  
  
The door closes and the key turns.\\  
  
The room is pitch dark. The silence is welcomed. Words are too painful.  
  
"Sirius" it's a whisper that pierces his heart.  
  
She doesn't understand. She never believed Sirius meant those words. She didn't trust him. Maybe it was because of Azkaban. Maybe it was because of Harry. It didn't matter any more.  
  
"Sirius" his voice fills the room.  
  
He can't no more hold his tears. Sirius's smell is still on the sheets. He cries and Moony howls for his mate. He cries until he falls asleep, alone, hugging the sheets with Sirius's scent.  
  
When the morning comes Remus opens the windows and lets the sun enter the room. Not his heart. He washes his face, straightens up and wears a neutral expression. There are things to be taken care of. The Order needs him. And Harry needs him. He should talk to Harry. About Sirius. And James. And living without them. All over again.  
  
Having to pretending that he doesn't ache. That he isn't dying inside. No. Remus Lupin is the controlled one. He never lets his emotions take over.  
  
But you did a little voice screams in his head. Every time you were with him. And now he's gone.  
  
For the first time Remus sees the house through Sirius's eyes. And he hates it. More than he's ever hated anything in his life. He can't bare the thought of spending another moment at this place.  
  
You should focus on Harry, he tells himself. Harry needs you. Sirius would have wanted you to take care of him. He died making sure he was safe.  
  
"Breakfast is ready" he hears Molly calling and closes the door behind him.  
  
**************************  
  
A/N: That's it. I hope you liked it. Now back to reading the lovely resurrection fics posted. 


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